Close Relationship with the Lord
When I just joined the spiritual movement I believed Prabhupada and spiritual authorities so much, therefore I did what they asked. That was my success in book distribution. Senior devotees helped me, I was praying to scriptures, to Prabhupada, and they made me their instrument. I felt that it was not me who distributes books. I felt it even more, seeing people reactions. Some of them cried, some of them were jolly, some very spiritual, etc. So different spiritual moods. Someone was afraid to take a scripture in his hands because of many impurities in his heart. Paramatma showed me so many levels of people. Like 400 000 species of human beings. And everyone needed help opening his heart. Some of them I caught by fight, some by intelligence, some by love and some by compassion. According to the personality. And I felt that it was Krishna, not me. He knows everything and can control any person. If you are sincere then on sankirtana most of the time you feel that it is not you acting, it is God, and you feel so much bliss. I am never happy sitting at home or doing something else. But when I am on sankirtana, I feel very jolly and blissful. Lord Krishna Himself says that preachers get much more mercy, because they risk for Krishna. After book distribution I get so much happiness, spiritual strength, wisdom and power. If one day I am not on the street helping people I cannot find my place. Once you taste the highest taste in the most merciful Lord Caitanya's dance, you may never be happy without it. You always go on book distribution to taste Lord Caitany's smile and He smiles through your lips, His melted heart people open their hearts, His, Radha's, eagerness to give Krishna to people He sees everyone as His devotee. This highest taste comes after many years of sincere endeavour to serve the Lord and His devotees, after purifying your heart from many problems. It is said that you cannot understand another's misfortune if you did not have it yourself. To purify you Krishna puts in some horrible to you situation. Then by seeing others suffering you suffer yourself, remembering what big pain is. And on sankirtan the only shelter is Krishna or Lord Caitanya. If you trust Them then everything goes very smooth, blissful. If not, people do not believe you. For that you have to have deep faith. To get this kind of faith Krishna puts you in the situation where nobody can or wants to help. To develop it. Then to survive you are forced to approach the Lord. In the beginning you are very much afraid, then become mental, but if you continue to serve the Lord overcoming obstacles you start to see very clearly how the Lord arranges the things the best way. Gradually He returns you what He took from you, and gives much more, especially you realise that you got much wiser, much more spiritual, compassionate, and very strong. You got an eternal jewel. When others hear your story they do not know how to help, they are afraid, lost, they even do not understand. But you understand by Lord's grace, you are fearless, even blissful, because you see how God personally helps. That's the secret to become close friends with the Lord and His parts and parcels, mostly people.
By Jagat Kirti Devi Dasi from Europe, Lithuania (JPS)
